My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
