I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
