I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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