Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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