I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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