I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
