happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
