i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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