I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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