i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
