my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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