i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
