Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
