I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
