We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize