i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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