I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
