I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
