you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
