Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
