I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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