I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
