it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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