Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize