after a month anything with tits is on the radar
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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