You just made me feel so damn special
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
