I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
