Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
