You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
