i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They have beer where we have blood.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize