Your tits are I can't wait for
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
