I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
