I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
