Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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