i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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