i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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