Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
