great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
