you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
