My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
