Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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