3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
