OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
