Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
