His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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