Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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