Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
