So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
