Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
