I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
