hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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