Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
