It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
