dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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