how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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