I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
