Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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