it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize