She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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