he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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