And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
