he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
