I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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