At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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