her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
