Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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