What did we do last night that was yellow?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize