My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
