ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
