Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
