Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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