3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
