My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
