Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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