i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
