If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
