I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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